How to Make Up with Your Partner After a Fight

31

Note: If
both partners have the ability to ‘make up’ after a fight, their relationship
has one of the essential skills for success. 
 Every relationship is different, but most
couples have fights. Partners that stay together for the long haul usually
figure out a way to make up and move on. If you don’t want to pretend the fight
never happened and just wait for the tension to blow over, then learn how to
make up in an open and healthy way.
·        
Look beneath the argument. There’s a saying: “You’re never fighting for
the reason you think.” It may look like you’re fighting about money, sex,
or something specific, but there’s usually some feeling underneath that hasn’t
been fully expressed. This reluctance might stem from hurtful patterns in
previous relationships or even childhood trauma. Identifying
the root
 feeling can help you calm down. Common feelings that
many fights can be traced to include:-         
–      
Inadequacy.
You feel like you’re not good enough, and you can’t quite believe that your
partner would want someone like you – at least, not for long.
–      
Fear of
abandonment. You’re worried that your partner will leave you – literally,
perhaps by cheating on you or by becoming emotionally distant. A little bit of
alone time after a fight is good, though. It lets each partner cool down so
that hot-tempered things aren’t said.
–      
Feeling
taken for granted. You feel unappreciated, perhaps used.

Communicate what’s most true for you in one sentence. Learn how to practice nonviolent communication Telling your partner something like “I feel scared when I see you talking to other girls,” or “I feel angry I don’t have the money to pay for this right now” allows you to get to the core issue and often helps him or her to understand your feelings without arguing about it.
Take responsibility. Did you snap at your partner? Are you trying to control the outcome of the fight? Is it easier to get what you want by manipulating the situation rather than asking directly? We all do these things to one degree or another. If you can find a way to own up to your part in the argument, without trying to blame or wrong yourself or your partner for it, it may open up a whole new dialogue.
Be humble. Sometimes if you can apologize for something you did (even if you didn’t “start” it), it can disarm your partner and result in him or her apologizing as well. Something like, “This is not where I wanted this to go, and I’m so sorry it has. Be sincere.



Let go of being right. Wanting to win an argument is the surest way to keep it going. It’s a no-win situation and keeps you from truly connecting with your partner. There’s an old saying: “Would you rather be right, or be happy?”

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