Playing Hard to Get; A Losing Strategy?

174

Note: For the purposes of this article, playing
hard to get means making men jump through hoops for the privilege of spending
time with you or getting to know you. It does not mean delaying sex until
emotional intimacy is established, which is always sound strategy.
  
Back in the 60s and 70s, before
the sexual revolution had really taken hold, the standard dating advice for
women was play hard to get. In some quarters it still is. It’s not surprising
that the most desirable or dominant men sit astride the top of this pyramid,
while less socially dominant males may consider themselves lucky to get a
girlfriend.
This
means that women playing hard to get are looking at negligible odds. If you’re
aiming for the hottest guy in the bar, you’re wandering in Hit and Quit
territory. If it’s any more complicated than “Let’s go” you’re going to come up
empty. 

 If your goal is to find a good guy boyfriend, you’re targeting a group of guys who by definition have fewer options. They’ll be easily discouraged by your evasive and manipulative “Rules” moves.

Yet the “hard to get” strategy is still a female favorite. 
–        
Perhaps
your mother told you that guys love the chase, and want to work for your
attention.
That was true in her day, but no
longer.
–        
You
might play hard to get in order to communicate that you’re not a slut.
Most men willing to double down and
chase hard prefer that you are one, and will disappear quickly if sex doesn’t
happen early on. Occasionally a real cad will hover in the end zone for a
while, but then it’s touchdown and Game Over.
–        
 Maybe you think that being hard to get
communicates that you have lots of options. 
This is female projection. Men pursue
who they are attracted to, and are not influenced by social proof to the
same degree as women.
As
E.B. writes in The Economist:
“Playing
hard to get enhances one’s appeal at first, but beyond enriching a
relationship’s origination myth (eg, “She wouldn’t even look at me for
weeks!”), it doesn’t do anything to sustain one’s appeal once the stakes are
raised. It’s a crafty opening gambit.”
-How
can a woman communicate that she is selectively easy to get? 
-What
can a woman do to be more approachable to the right men?
-Should
women initiate outright?

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