Are You Giving Too Much Too Soon?

39


“I gave him everything and he
still didn’t love me,” is a story I’ve heard over and over again from
women. I know exactly what they mean. I’ve certainly felt that way myself.
“I would give her anything she wants, but
it just doesn’t seem to do any good. She takes my presents, thanks me, tells me
I’m a nice guy, but she doesn’t love me.” It’s a story I’ve heard over and
over again from men. He gives, gives, and gives. She takes, takes, and takes.
And the other guy gets the girl.
At first, doing too much seems natural and even
somewhat pleasurable. After all, when you’re in love aren’t you supposed to do
lots for your loved one, and enjoy it? Aren’t you supposed to give your all?
No. Not until your relationship reaches a
certain point. Before that point, you will suffocate love just as it’s starting
to bloom, instead of allowing it to blossom naturally.
Giving too much too soon is by far the biggest
relationship mistake made by both men and women. I will explain why it
suffocates love, how love blossoms naturally, how to know when you’re giving
too much and what to do about it, and when it’s OK to give your all. But first,
let’s start with the different ways of over-giving:
Over-giving


Too Much Love and Romance Too Soon
By the
second date you both say, “I love you.” By the third date you’re
talking every night for hours. By the second week you’re writing love notes to
each other on a daily basis. So where do you go from there? Only down.
Too Much Commitment Too Soon
Volunteered,
one-sided commitment signals desperation in a relationship. Men will do this,
but more often, it’s a woman who will take this step out of some mixed-up fear
of losing a man if she doesn’t, even though he’s made no commitment whatsoever.
She’s ready to forsake all others without even being asked, just to prove her
love, hoping this gesture will somehow bond him to her. It doesn’t.
Gifts Too Soon
When you
bring the element of money into a relationship, you put pressure on someone. If
you’re a man, she may misread your intentions and think you see the
relationship as transactional, gifts for sex. Or, rather than being bothered by
the gifts, she may come to expect an ongoing flow of them from you and be very
disappointed if they’re not forthcoming.
Also, no man wants to live
the rest of his life with a spendthrift. Giving him an expensive gift (even for
his birthday or Christmas) will just make him worry about how you’ll spend
money if the two of you get married.
Too Much Information Too Soon
One way
both men and women often give too much is by telling too much about themselves
right away. Who wants to know how your mother or father mistreated you or how
your dad left your mum on the first date? (Or on the third or fourth date, for
that matter)

How
Over-giving Suffocates Love
It’s like over-watering a plant. You’re not sure
how much to water it, and your instincts tell you to nurture it, so you
over-water it and kill it. Here’s how over-giving can kill a budding relationship:
  • You’ll
    come across as needy and desperate.
  • You
    probably won’t get enough back, so you’ll feel cheated.
  • You’ll
    be ignoring your own life to help the object of your affection with
    theirs.
He or she will take you for granted and expect you to
continue to do more and more for him.
In the extreme,doing too much can change who you
are until the person he or she was attracted to in the first place is gone.
The worst part about giving too much is that the
other person probably won’t just drop you. At least then you’d be free to start
over. Instead, they will keep you on a string and not take you seriously, and
you find yourself in “crazy love” relationship.
This write-up is in response to the many letters i have received on the subject. i hope this helps you as researching on the topic has helped me a lot too.
Best regards.

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