What to Do When Conflict Arises


Disagreements in a relationship are not only
normal but, if constructively resolved, actually strengthen the relationship.
It is inevitable that there will be times of sadness, tension, or outright
anger between you and your partner. The source of these problems may lie in
unrealistic/unreasonable demands, unexplored expectations, or unresolved
issues/behaviors in one partner or in the relationship. Resolving conflicts
requires honesty, a willingness to consider your partner’s perspective even if
you don’t fully understand it, and lots of communication.

Healthy communication is critical, especially
when there are important decisions regarding sex, career, marriage, and family
to be made. The following are some guidelines for successful communication and
conflict resolution.
  • Understand
    Each Others’ Family Patterns. 
    Find out how conflicts were
    managed (or not managed) in your partner’s family, and talk about how
    conflict was approached (or avoided) in your own family. It is not unusual
    for couples to discover that their families had different ways of
    expressing anger and resolving differences. If your family wasn’t good at
    communicating or resolving conflict constructively, give yourself
    permission to try out some new ways of handling conflict.
  • Timing
    to previous notions, the best time to resolve a conflict may not be
    immediately. It is not unusual for one or both partners to need some time
    to cool off. This “time-out’ period can help you avoid saying or
    doing hurtful things in the heat of the moment, and can help partners more
    clearly identify what changes are most important. Remember – if you are
    angry with your partner but don’t know what you want yet, it will be
    nearly impossible for your partner to figure it out!
  • Establish
    an Atmosphere of Emotional Support.
     Emotional support involves
    accepting your partner’s differences and not insisting that he or she meet
    your needs only in the precise way that you want them met. Find out how
    your partner shows his or her love for you, and don’t set absolute
    criteria that require your partner to always behave differently before
    you’re satisfied.
  • Agree
    to Disagree and Move On.
     Most couples will encounter
    some issues upon which they will never completely agree. Rather than continuing
    a cycle of repeated fights, agree to disagree and negotiate a compromise
    or find a way to work around the issue.
  • Distinguish
    between things you want versus things you need from your partner.
    example, for safety reasons, you might need your partner to remember to
    pick you up on time after dark. But calling you several times a day may
    really only be a “want.”
  • Clarify
    Your Messages. 
    A clear message involves a respectful but direct
    expression of your wants and needs. Take some time to identify what you
    really want before talking to your partner. Work on being able to describe
    your request in clear, observable terms. For example, you might say,
    “I would like you to hold my hand more often” rather than the
    vague, “I wish you were more affectionate.”
  • Discuss
    One Thing at a Time.
     It can be tempting to list your concerns or
    grievances, but doing so will likely prolong an argument. Do your best to
    keep the focus on resolving one concern at a time.
  • Really
    a good listener requires the following: (a) don’t interrupt, (b) focus on
    what your partner is saying rather than on formulating your own response,
    and (c) check out what you heard your partner say. You might start this
    process with: “I think you are saying…” Or “what I understood
    you to say was…” This step alone can prevent misunderstandings that
    might otherwise develop into a fight.
  • Restrain
    has found that couples who “edit” themselves and do not say all
    the angry things they may be thinking are typically the happiest.
  • Adopt
    a “Win-Win” Position.
     A “win-win” stance
    means that your goal is for the relationship, rather than for either
    partner, to “win” in a conflict situation. Ask yourself:
    “Is what I am about to say (or do) going to increase or decrease the
    odds that we’ll work this problem out?”


  1. a fantastic read 31 January, 2018 at 20:37 Reply

    I just want to say I am just all new to blogging and really loved this web blog. Likely I’m going to bookmark your site . You amazingly come with fabulous articles and reviews. With thanks for revealing your web site.

  2. John Deere Repair Manuals 3 February, 2018 at 12:55 Reply

    Hello just wanted to give you a brief heads up and let you know a few of the pictures aren’t loading properly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different browsers and both show the same outcome.

  3. dubturbo 6 February, 2018 at 09:36 Reply

    Thank you for sharing excellent informations. Your site is so awesome. I am impressed by the main points that you have on this web site. The idea explains how properly you perceive this kind of subject. I Saved as a favorite this web page and will come back for much more posts. I found this can be the info I currently looked for just about everywhere and just could not come across. What a wonderful site.

  4. foreclosure 17 February, 2018 at 18:55 Reply

    I have been browsing online more than three hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours. It’s pretty worth enough for me. Personally, if all site owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the internet will be a lot more useful than ever before.

  5. home insurance claims 9 March, 2018 at 15:59 Reply

    First off I would like to say fantastic blog! I had a quick question in which I’d like to ask if you do not mind. I was interested to know how you center yourself and clear your mind before writing. I have had difficulty clearing my mind in getting my thoughts out. I do take pleasure in writing but it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are wasted just trying to figure out how to begin. Any suggestions or tips? Kudos!

  6. government 10 March, 2018 at 22:13 Reply

    Nice post. I was checking continuously this blog and I’m impressed! Very useful information specially the last part 🙂 I care for such information much. I was seeking this certain info for a long time. Thank you and best of luck.

  7. Adelaide 1 April, 2018 at 01:42 Reply

    Currently it sounds like Expression Engine is the best blogging platform
    available right now. (from what I’ve read) Is that what you’re using on your blog?

  8. laser machine for sale 7 May, 2018 at 16:23 Reply

    Do you mind if I quote a couple of your posts as long as I provide credit and sources back to your blog? My blog site is in the exact same area of interest as yours and my users would genuinely benefit from a lot of the information you provide here. Please let me know if this alright with you. Cheers!

  9. home improvement decor 8 May, 2018 at 01:30 Reply

    obviously like your website however you need to take a look at the spelling on quite a few of your posts. Many of them are rife with spelling problems and I to find it very troublesome to inform the truth then again I will certainly come again again.

  10. jeunesse price 8 May, 2018 at 14:26 Reply

    Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you knew of any widgets I could add to my blog that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates. I’ve been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some time and was hoping maybe you would have some experience with something like this. Please let me know if you run into anything. I truly enjoy reading your blog and I look forward to your new updates.

  11. better health 9 May, 2018 at 23:51 Reply

    Good website! I really love how it is simple on my eyes and the data are well written. I’m wondering how I could be notified whenever a new post has been made. I’ve subscribed to your feed which must do the trick! Have a nice day!

  12. change hair color app 10 May, 2018 at 12:38 Reply

    Have you ever thought about including a little bit more than just your articles? I mean, what you say is important and all. But think about if you added some great photos or videos to give your posts more, “pop”! Your content is excellent but with pics and video clips, this site could definitely be one of the greatest in its field. Fantastic blog!

  13. JaclynCooth 21 May, 2018 at 21:24 Reply

    [url=http://autoteilx.eu/]http://autoteilx.eu/[/url] AffotaFleteHef [url=http://www.healtek.us/tramadol/how-tramadol-worked/]How Tramadol worked?[/url] AffotaFleteHef

  14. mountain 17 June, 2018 at 10:33 Reply

    Thank you for some other excellent article. Where else may just anyone get that kind of information in such an ideal means of writing? I’ve a presentation next week, and I am on the search for such information.

  15. types of fashion designing 17 June, 2018 at 10:41 Reply

    Hiya, I’m really glad I have found this info. Today bloggers publish only about gossips and web and this is really annoying. A good web site with interesting content, this is what I need. Thanks for keeping this site, I’ll be visiting it. Do you do newsletters? Can not find it.

  16. health and fitness 26 June, 2018 at 20:11 Reply

    I just couldn’t go away your website before suggesting that I really loved the standard information a person supply in your visitors? Is gonna be again often to check out new posts

Post a new comment