The Three “Cancers” of Relationships

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When people have to use
intimidation, manipulation or domination,
 the relationship is already spoiled or poisoned. It
has become a power play of control. Redeeming such a relationship is possible
with the implementation of a wise plan, strongly re-defined boundaries,
enduring commitment, and the possibility of a time of separation in order that
perspective might be gained.
Willingness and desire to be
together, equality between people and complete mutuality are the hallmarks of
healthy relationships. Where any form of strong-arm tactics is used, the
relationship has already taken a turn to become something harmful to both the
parties.
Each of these relationship-poisons
(manipulation, domination and intimidation) can be very subtle, coming in
different shapes, sizes, and intensities.
Here are some of the evidences of
manipulation, intimidation, and domination in a relationship:
1.
The relationship has been kept on an unequal footing in order
that one person might keep power over another. In a severely controlling
relationship, both persons might have forgotten there are choices at all.
2.
One person tries to get what he or she wants without declaring what
is wanted. In attempting to get what the one person wants, both persons are in
some way diminished.
3.
One person does not see the other as totally free.
4.
One person tries to get what he or she wants through threats or
withdrawal
.
5.
It is expected that every move, thought, and feeling will be reported at
least from the less-dominant person to the other. If one person is unwilling to
tell all, it is assumed there is something to hide.
6.
One person is not free to make plans without consulting or getting
permission 
from the other.
7.
One person in the relationship continually evaluates and
examines the commitment and love of the other.
8.
The dominant person tells the other how they should feel and usually
re-scripts
 any division or disagreement into the appearance of unity.
9.
One person feels at liberty to speak for both people and then, is offended when
the partner wants to express his or her own views.
10. Desire for self-expression or a
distinct voice (by one) is considered betrayal or a lack of trust (by the
other).
Manipulation: playing
chess with another person or with people. Maneuvering as if life were an
attempt to checkmate others into loving us or doing what we want.
Domination: playing chess with another person
or with people as in manipulation. The difference is the dominator has removed
the opponent’s pieces without declaring so in the first place.
Intimidation: playing chess with another
person or with people where winning and losing comes with either the threat of
punishment or actual punishment.
Healthy Relationships: There is no element of
either winning or losing; they are not a game of chess at all and are free of
tactics and agenda.

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