“Picking the right person for the right reasons at the right time is
an art form.” I cannot think of a more accurate statement in one
sentence that sums up dating. With the divorce rates as high as they are, it
makes sense that it takes the right person, right time and right reasons to
make a fulfilling and strong relationship. I love the details of the seminar I attended
lately on this topic and as a nice compliment, I wanted to write my own article
on picking the right partner:
1. Don’t make choices out of fear: So many times people either choose a
partner or stay with someone in an unhappy relationship predominantly out of
some kind of fear. Usually that fear is being alone but fears can vary widely
from person to person. It’s often better to be alone and wait for the right
person than to make a decision out of fear. Making decisions out of fear leads
to confusion, anxiety and a general feeling of something being amiss.
2. Be careful of jumping into a committed relationship right off the bat: It
can be tempting to jump into a committed relationship quickly when you find
someone you have a fiery connection with. However, you don’t really know that
person yet and you’re getting emotionally invested in someone that you don’t
know much about. As time progresses, you may find out things that you really don’t
like or that you’re truly not compatible with this person. Because you invested
so much emotional energy quickly, this can hurt a lot more than it would have
if you had taken time to get to know the person before putting your whole heart
in to the relationship. When we’re in the “romantic” stages of the beginning of
a relationship, we are often making choices out of lust and fantasy-like
projections instead of reality and logic. It’s important to remain grounded and
patient when deciding to be seriously committed to someone.
3. Give people a chance that you normally wouldn’t give a chance to: If I
had a dime for every time someone told me they weren’t going to go out with
someone because they weren’t their “type”, I’d be a rich woman! Remember
attraction can grow the more you get to know a person and their personality.
Some people also take a lot of time to get to know and don’t wear their heart
on their sleeves. Still waters run deep and you may not get a chance to find
that out if you don’t take the time to get to know someone.
4. Throw out your checklist: Many people have extensive lists of what
qualities and traits their ideal partner has to have.
If you box yourself in to
a checklist you may miss out on some great matches for you. It’s almost impossible
to find a perfect checklist partner, and when we think we have found it we
throw all caution to the wind and disregard some not so desirable qualities.
great relationship has emotional compatibility. How does the person make you
feel as opposed to what does this person look like on paper?
5. Look for qualities that are the foundation of a good partnership, throw
the tiny details out: The qualities of a person that help to build the
foundation of a good partnership are: Empathy, integrity, honesty, reliability,
kindness and emotional generosity. If you find these qualities in someone, be
curious about pursuing it further, even if they may not seem like your type on
the surface. Other criteria, like “sense of humor”,”world traveler” and “good
dancer” are nice-to-haves but don’t necessarily have to be there for you to be
happy in your relationship.
6. Don’t let lust be your guide: People have a tendency to put up with a lot
of crap from someone they are dating when they feel a magnetic chemistry with
them. Magnetic chemistry has a strong power because it isn’t something that
happens often. When we find someone we have magnetic chemistry with, not only
is it an aphrodisiac that we can’t get enough of but we also confuse it with
the right person (i.e. “this must be right if I feel this strongly!”). Magnetic
chemistry is great but don’t excuse bad behavior because of it.
7. Don’t keep waiting for something to change that obviously won’t: The
longer you stay in a situation that you know is ultimately doomed or doesn’t
align with your personal values, the more you block yourself from having the
opportunity to meet the right person. Be clear with yourself about what you
will and won’t accept and know what your deal-breakers are. Once you become
clear on those things, it is easier to make a decision about the fate of a
|@Ali Baba’s 45th birthday|
|Ali Baba’s cartonon project|