There are four words that almost NO one actually says out loud but millions of men and women sure
think this about their spouse or partner. What’s underneath these four words can literally
suck the life and passion out of an otherwise good relationship. That’s why we say these four words are silent relationship killers.
I know this sounds dramatic and I know what you’re probably thinking… If they’re almost never spoken, how do they kill relationships?
Glad you asked.
They kill relationships because they represent the predominant thought one person has for another–and what isn’t spoken can be just as powerful or even more so than what is spoken.
What are these 4 dangerous words?
They are, “I don’t trust you.”
Before you think all we’re talking about is what happens because of an affair, infidelity or one
or both partners cheating on each other… We’ll tell you that you certainly might feel like
“I don’t trust you…”
What we’re talking about is taking you a little deeper into the whole idea of trust in an intimate relationship. The idea of “I don’t trust you” and a lack of trust can play out in a million different ways in a relationship.
*I don’t trust you to bring home your share of
the money to pay our bills
*I don’t trust that you’ll be home on time for dinner
as you said you would
*I don’t trust that you’ll not spend us into debt
*I don’t trust that you’ll watch the kids the way I do
*I don’t trust that you’ll do the laundry and not ruin
*I don’t trust that you’ll be open to making love with
*I don’t trust that you’ll be honest with me
While these thoughts of “I don’t trust you” are pretty normal, it’s important for you to become aware of them because of how they can negatively impact your relationship.If mistrust becomes your predominant thought about your partner, you’re automatically building walls between the two of you.
The other person feels your doubt and can withdraw or become angry, leaving the two of you with a lot that’s left that’s unsaid. And these walls affect your communication, your openness to intimacy, and whether your love grows or dies.
How can you stop saying to yourself “I don’t trust you” when you really don’t trust him or her?
Here are some ways that can help you deal with your trust issues…
1. Identify what and who you really don’t trust. Look within for the real issues of your mistrust
which may have started long before your current partner. Take out pen and paper and write the words “I don’t trust you because…” and then keep writing anything that comes into your mind. Just keep writing and see what comes up.
2. Identify the source of your trust problem. If it turns out that you need to do some forgiving of someone in your past, remember that you are forgiving for YOU and not condoning what the person did–assuming that you are no longer being subjected to those actions anymore. Actively choosing to no longer be tied to these wrongs that were done to you can be extremely freeing. You may need the help of a qualified therapist or coach to support you in this process.
3. In order to start trusting another person, you have to get in your mind what he or she has to do to become trustable to you. So start making your list and be specific.
4. Be courageous and talk with your partner about what’s been holding you back and ways
you’ve been mistrusting him or her. Create some agreements and plans to move from mistrust even if it’s about something very insignificant.
My suggestion to you is to make sure you don’t allow hidden mistrust to silently kill your love for
Take action and bring more love into your life.
Credits:Susie and Otto Collins
my online relationship coach