The unhealthy pleasure of keeping a grudge


Repairing painful feelings between
partners should be a welcomed process. It is sad to see some individuals who
relish having been wronged more than they do restoring peace.
Ideally, when one partner feels
wronged by the other, the healing process is as follows: a discussion occurs,
an apology is given, a promise is made to avoid the hurtful behavior in the
future, the apology is accepted, and the partners regain their comfort with
each other.
If the apology is not accepted, the
wronged party continues to feel victimized and angry. One reason for
maintaining the hurt is that the injured partner does not find the apology to
be sincere. Another reason may be that the regret is frequent, but the pattern
has continued to occur, or that one is not yet ready to forgive because the
wounds are too fresh. These common reasons are logical and can be addressed and
resolved with further respectful communication.
And then there are those who feel
more empowered being wronged than being forgiving. Why would an individual
prefer to continue harboring bad feelings about a mate, despite the other’s
stated sincere regret and a promise to change? What may prevent an individual
from welcoming the opportunity to resume a happy connection?
The partner, whose deeply felt
apology is rejected, often feels very discouraged, disrespected and bewildered.
S/he may ask: “What else can I do to get my mate to forgive me and reinstate
the good feelings between us?” Obviously, the hurt person is now exercising
immense power over the partner by being able to unilaterally turn the
relationship on or off, reduce or increase the mate’s suffering and determine
the emotional atmosphere within the marriage for a time to come.
The question the non-forgiving
partner must ask him/herself is: “Why am I rejecting my partner’s apology?”
Since every behavior serves us in some way, it is important to question
oneself: “In what way is my non-forgiving attitude helpful to me?”
An honest answer may be that the
suffering of the offended is now being returned to the offender. Some say, “I
want him to feel how badly he made me feel.” These individuals may erroneously
believe that through inflicting upon others the pain they feel, they will be
better understood and their suffering will subside.
Another answer is that by keeping
the grudge, the offended party maintains the power of superiority and the
pleading attention of the mate. The power of superiority is based upon the
misconception that the offended is above offending the mate in this way. It is
a short hold on being “better than” the partner’s moral turpitude.
The temporary power is also in the
humbled and excessively accommodating behavior of the offending partner, which
may feel pleasing to the offended mate.
These answers, though honest, are
not helpful to the relationship.
In healthy relating, both partners
are aware that the tables will turn later. Sooner or later the offended person
may err as well and be at the mercy of the partner’s forgiveness. Establishing
a non-forgiving style by one partner may create a begrudgeful atmosphere. This
will only cascade the partners into collecting many “unforgivable” acts as
ammunition against each other and the inevitable deterioration of their love
and intimacy.
No matter how satisfying it may feel
at the moment to withhold forgiveness, it only feeds the lowest, insecure side
of our personality and is unbecoming to a mature and loving adult. Gaining
momentary pleasure at another’s pain is immoral and destructive.
Apologies should be accepted and the
offender should be assumed to be sincere and regretful, to allow growth and
self-accountability within the relationship. Power OVER a partner is unhealthy.
There is greater power in forgiving and trusting the repenting spouse. It helps
the offending mate live up to the promise to avoid the hurtful behavior in the
future, out of consideration and love for the partner. Helping another person
be loving is truly powerful and decent.
In listening to couples deal with
behaviors that have not been fully excused, I am struck by the damage created
by the accumulated resentments. Both mates are hostages to painful feelings.
The offending mate lives with regret, sorrow, grief, and a dismay about being
seen as damaged and unforgiven, while the offended mate is plagued with doubts
about the character of the offender and his own lovability.
Accepting the apology paves the way
to recovery for both partners. People tend to live up to the positive
expectations placed upon them. It may even be more so after a mild or grave
offense. The offender is determined to prove his or her trustworthiness and
kind nature, if only given the time and opportunity to do so.
If you are the recipient of an
apology, please consider:
• Your partner is in enough pain and
guilt about hurting you.
• The action taken or not taken or the words spoken or omitted had to do with
your mate’s own issues and were not intended to hurt you.
• Seeing the error of his/her ways is a humbling experience that leads to the
instinctive desire for repair. Allow your partner to recover her self-regard by
proving her fine character and love for you.
• As hurt as you feel, prolonging your mate’s suffering by withholding
forgiveness is unkind.
• Feeling powerful and superior about having been wronged is temporary,
incorrect and unhealthy.
• Creating a system of mutual non-forgiveness is destructive to your marriage.
• Modeling forgiveness and ascribing the best intentions and character to your
partner enhances both of you, hastens comfort between you and strengthens your
love and intimacy.


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