This woman and I dated for about two
years and I ended things for what seemed like a deep-rooted clash at the
time, but really had more to do with deep-rooted hurt and insecurities
that I never dealt with from the previous relationship.
After a few months apart, prayer,
meditation and a few timely books I was able to come to terms with
myself, my shortcomings in the relationship, and finally found peace
from the hurt I held onto for so long.
I met with the recent love and
apologized and owned up to everything mentioned above. She was receptive
but I know it caught her off guard. I wasn’t me, and now I can see I
didn’t give her the best of me…and she loved me through it. Now I’m in a
better place and want to, and can honestly give the best of me. But I
obviously hurt her and she is adamant about not being together.
However, her actions don’t match her
words. We went from not talking at all, to at least once a day and she
even initiated taking a day trip together over the past month and some.
But there are moments when she really keeps me at bay, trust issues from
me leaving I assume…
I’M 100% in this and am truly able to commit my life to her…but she still keeps me at arms length. Advice?
A: Dear heartminders blog reader,
someone very close to me was standing in your exact position
just under a year ago. His relationship with Ayoola had ended and he was
left searching for answers to questions he never wanted to ask me. It
was a difficult two months and he admitted it opened his eyes to all his
insecurities( which i had earlier pointed out to him)and it forcedhime to challenge the person he was becoming. Like
you, prayer and reflection led him back to Ayoola and he hasn’t looked
back since that November last year.
But let’s be real, though he hasn’t
looked back, it took many months for his babe to truly believe he was ready
to be the man she needed. She only knew the old him– the one who caused
her pain and never fully loved her; the one who she wanted to be with,
but didn’t have a relationship with God; the one who appeared to have it
all together, but was actually broken. She knew that man for three years
and he expected her to immediately believe that he was ready to commit to
her after only two months apart. Not only is that a selfish request,
it’s virtually impossible as well.
It takes time, patience and prayer. I
truly believe we wouldn’t be writing this blog if developing a
relationship with God and prayer was not at the center of our
relationship. It has helped guide us down a healthy path and has opened
our hearts to love each other more abundantly than ever.
Your woman is still hurting and she has
every right to hurt. She will show glimpses that may indicate things are
getting better, but the road to recovery is very long. You said you are
100% ready to commit to her, so you also need to be 100% ready to be
patient and work through any obstacles she places in your way.
her you are ready to love her and will NEVER leave her again. It will be
difficult. It will be frustrating. It will test you. But through
perseverance, the two of you will build a relationship 10x stronger than
it was in the past. Lean on Him for strength and you will get your
queen back! please keep me posted but more importantly, don’t loose focus.