Dealing with the death of a loved one. A Tribute to Susan Oluwabimpe Harvey A.K.A Goldie

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The news spread like wild fire eliciting shock, disbelief and tears:
Goldie Harvey, Kennis music act and BBA Stargame housemate is dead at
31, on Thursday 14 February.
Goldie hit the limelight with her hit song, Say My Name and was,
before her passing, clearly, the most prominent member of Kennis Music,
aside from Capital Femi.
Known for her outrageous and dramatic dress sense, Goldie hit
continental stardom after her turn on reality show, Big Brother
StarGame, where she fell for the charms of Kenyan rapper, Prezzo.
Rumours of a marriage between the two started circulating recently, but Prezzo was quick to discount the news.
Goldie has been busy since her stint in the BBA house and has
released a few singles like Skibobo, Miliki and Got to Have it. Skibobo
in which she featured AY seems to have made the biggest splash.
Goldie attended the 2013 Grammy Awards at the Staples Centre alongside her label owners, Kenny Ogungbe and Dayo D1 Adeneye.
She was rushed from her Park View, Ikoyi, Lagos residence to her
official hospital, Reddington, Victoria Island, Lagos, where doctors
pronounced her dead on arrival at exactly 7:30 in the evening.

The
death of a loved one is an event that all of us is likely to experience
during our lifetimes, often on numerous occasions. Whilst lives are
often transformed by such loss, it does not necessarily need to be for
the worse in the long term. Dealing effectively and positively with
grief caused by such a loss is central to your recovery process and your
ability to continue with and fulfill your own life for the better.
We
have put together some notes in this section to help you understand
some of the emotions you are likely to go through after the death of a
loved one and to offer some suggestions on how best to cope and deal
with these emotions.

Key principles to remember when dealing with the death of a loved one

Accept that loss is a basic part of our life cycle. Whatever is born
must die. Whatever grows must decay. These are universal laws. We tend
to forget that these physical bodies are mortal. Everything we see
around us will one-day decay and cease to be. That includes all plants,
animals, people, buildings, cities, the planet earth, the sun and even
the galaxy. Everything in the physical universe is temporary. When this
fact is understood and accepted, we will begin to seek other, inner
sources of security and happiness.
Confront death: We need to ask, “what is death?” What is the nature
of that energy, that power, that consciousness which, when it was in
that body, caused it to think, speak, move, love, feel and create? Now
that it is gone, there is a mass of cells that will soon decompose.
What
is life? What is its purpose? A number of us have been forced by the
death of the loved one to investigate these questions. Death forces us
to look deeper into the nature and purpose of life. Reexamine our life
values and goals: Contact with death awakens us to the fact that someday
we too will die. This generates a number of questions. Will we have
fulfilled our life purpose? Why have we come here to the earth? Why have
we taken this physical body? Is our life part of some greater process?
If so, what does it require of us? How can we live our lives more in
harmony with that purpose?
Answering these questions might
motivate us to change our life style, live a more meaningful existence,
improve our character, purify our love, or investigate the deeper truths
of life. We may also discover that life is more meaningful when we
value others and their needs.

How can I help a friend with the death of a loved one

Someone you know may be experiencing grief – perhaps the loss of a loved
one, perhaps another type of loss – and you want to help. The fear of
making things worse may encourage you to do nothing. Yet you do not wish
to appear to be uncaring.
Remember that it is better to try to do something, inadequate as you
may feel, than to do nothing at all. Don’t attempt to sooth or stifle
the emotions of the griever. Tears and anger are an important part of
the healing process. Grief is not a sign of weakness. It is the result
of a strong relationship and deserves the honour of strong emotion.
When
supporting someone in their grief the most important thing is to simply
listen. Grief is a very confusing process, expressions of logic are
lost on the griever. The question “tell me how you are feeling” followed
by a patient and attentive ear will seem like a major blessing to the
grief stricken. Be present, show that you care, listen.
Your
desire is to assist your friend down the path of healing. They will find
their own way down that path, but they need a helping hand, an
assurance that they are not entirely alone on their journey. It does not
matter that you do not understand the details, your presence is enough.

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