Dear Women,We hope this letter finds you held securely by the arms of true Love. Love
is a beautiful thing. Yet, we hope you realize how difficult it was for the man
in your life to fall in Love with you and quite possibly, how difficult it is
for him to be in Love with you. Love is difficult for us men. Why? Well, to be
honest, Love scares us. We confess it here and now, we men are afraid of Love.
We are especially afraid that we will leap into the abyss of Love first but
you will never join us. That we will fall blindly into Love and you will not be
there to catch us, to guide us. Most importantly, we fear giving up control. We
fear losing ourselves in an emotion we do not fully understand. An emotion that
controls us rather than us controlling it.
No man wants to feel like he is falling in Love with you before you are
falling in Love with him. And yes, we recognize the hypocrisy of that
statement. We still stand by it. We recognize that we are asking you to
sacrifice emotionally before us, for us, even if we have not fully demonstrated
that you should do so beforehand.
You see, our aggressiveness gave us the courage to approach you. It was our
confidence that intrigued you. Our ability to lead and make sound, level-headed
decisions kept you interested. We gained your trust, gave you the confidence to
follow us without question, gave you the security needed to feel comfortable
surrendering yourself to us – emotionally and physically.
Now, all the qualities that drew you into us, you want us to abandon? You
want us to release the reigns that have guided us not only though life but to
this very moment? You want us to put ourselves, our heart, in jeopardy without
even knowing the odds of success? You want us to fall in Love with you? Let us
stop procrastinating with this line of question: You’re asking us to give up
control, admit it!
men stand before you at a crossroads.
Against our instincts and logic, do we fall thoughtlessly into your arms
while hoping you have the strength to support us as you promised? Do we
retreat? Do we seek haven in meaningless relationships in a misguided effort to
maintain that control we know so well, knowing that we are providing ourselves
with nothing more than a false sense of security in these superficial
relationships; relationships where we can never truly fall in Love because we never
truly immerse ourselves in them to begin with.
do not understand you women.
How do you do it? How can you Love so hard? So relentlessly? So selflessly?
Even when it is us you shower with unconditional Love, we remain confused but
not ungrateful. In our insecurity, we mock your emotional reasoning. We
describe your altruistic view of the world as “female logic,” while we hide
behind so-called objective logic, when it is itself born from fear.
In actuality, we envy you. Your ability to give yourself wholly to another
individual with the mere hope your feelings will be reciprocated without first
securing the guarantee they will. This astonishes us. Secretly, we want to do
the same but we struggle. We refuse to succumb. To let go completely, even for
one second, because that one second of unknown paralyzes us.
Deep down we know that Love is one of the few things in our life we cannot
control. We also know that we cannot truly Love you without relinquishing
control to you. Unfortunately, our reluctance is often at your expense. As you
wait alone in the very same vulnerable state we hesitate to join, wondering if
we will ever overcome ourselves on your behalf.
We are not asking you to change. This is on us, the men. Apart from you, we
are not weak but because of you, we are stronger. Your unwavering support keeps
us from falling but you also deserve to be more than our crutch. Our fear is
not your burden. Force us to stand on our own! Offer only to support us once we
have proven capable. Therefore, although we may not be the man for you, we will
be a better man because of you.
One day, even if not today, we will be the men you need. Do not judge us all
by the selfish weakness of a few. We will Love you. It may not be in the manner
you dreamed but there will not be a doubt in your mind that it is Love. Scared
as we are, the real men among us look forward to that day. In the meantime, as
much as it may hurt, it is selfish for any any of us to ask you to wait. So, if
it means passing one of us by for another who has already overcome his fear, we
encourage you to seek him and obtain the Love that you deserve when you are
ready, not when it is convenient for us. In fact, we ask that you never settle
for anything less.