…..long after I let go of the man,
feelings about the relationship held me back. I was afraid of being vulnerable.
I was afraid of being hurt mostly I was afraid of hurting someone else again
and having to live with that.
relationship, now is the perfect time to let go. Here’s how you can start
Practice releasing regrets
tempting to dwell on what you did wrong or what you could have done differently.
This might seem productive—like you can somehow change things by rehashing it.
suffer. When you start revisiting the past in your head, pull yourself into the
moment. Focus on the good things in your current situation: the friends who are
there for you and the lessons you’ve learned that will help you with future
to only let you vent for 10 minutes at a time. That way you’re free to express
your feelings, but not drown in them.
Work on forgiving yourself.
mistake of your life, and if only you didn’t do it you wouldn’t be in pain
right now. Don’t go down that road—there’s nothing good down there!
that you are human. You’re entitled to make mistakes; everyone does. And you
will learn from them and use those lessons to improve your life.
feel love again in the future, the first step is to prepare yourself to give
and receive it. You can only do that if you feel love toward yourself; and that
means forgiving yourself.
Don’t think about any time as lost.
relationship or the following decade as time lost, I’d underestimate all the
amazing things I did in that time. True, I was single throughout my 20s, but
that made it easier to travel and devote myself to different passions.
for a while and now feel you’ve missed out, shift the focus to everything
you’ve gained. Maybe you’ve built great friendships or made great progress in
easier to move on because you’ll feel empowered and not victimized (by your ex,
by yourself, or by time.) Whatever happened in the past, it prepared you for
now—and now is full of opportunities for growth, peace, and happiness.
Remember the bad as well as the good.
percent of us suffer from “complicated grief”—a persistent sense of longing for
someone we lost with romanticized memories of the relationship. Scientists also
suggest this is a biological occurrence; that the longing can have an addictive
quality to it, actually rooted in our brain chemistry.
everything with reverie, as if it was all sunshine and roses. If your ex broke
up with you, it may be even more tempting to imagine she or he was perfect and
you weren’t. In all reality, you both have strengths and weaknesses and you
both made mistakes.
Reconnect with who you are outside a relationship.
relationship, odds are you lived a fulfilling single life before you got into
this one. You were strong, satisfied and happy—at least on the whole.
with any people or interests that may have received less attention while you
you were attracted your ex. That person will get you through this loss and
attract someone equally amazing in the future when the time is right. Not a
sad, depressed, guilt-ridden person clutching to what once was. If you can’t
remember who you are, get to know yourself now.
keeps you stuck in the past. It’s not easy to end all contact when you feel
attached to someone. Breaking off the friendship might feel like ruining your
chances at knowing love again.
broader terms. So instead of wanting a specific person to re-enter your life,
want love and happiness—whatever that may look like.
won’t spend the rest of your life alone. In one way or another, you will meet
all kinds of people and create all kinds of possibilities for relationships—if
you forgive yourself, let go, and open yourself up, that is.
Let yourself feel.
a mini-death, complete with a grieving process.
You don’t believe it’s over and you hold out hope. Next you feel hurt and
guilty. You should have done things differently. If you did you wouldn’t be in
start bargaining. It would be different if you gave it a second go. You
wouldn’t be so insecure, defensive, or demanding. Then you might feel depressed
and lonely as it hits you how much you’ve lost.
happened and shift your focus from the past to the future.
Remember the benefits of moving on.
torturous. You regret, you feel ashamed and guilty, you rehash, you obsess—it’s
all an exercise in suffering. When you’re holding onto something, you’re less
open to giving and receiving anything else.
a huge bucket of water, you wouldn’t be able to give anything other than that
bucket, or grab anything else that came your way. You might even struggle
breathing because you’re clutching something so all-encompassing with so much
love to get love, share joy to feel joy. It’s only possible if you’re open and
Recognize and replace fearful thoughts.
relationship, it’s usually more about attachment than love. Love wants for the
other person’s happiness. Fear wants to hold onto whatever appears to make you
happy so you don’t have to feel the alternative.
of fearful thoughts because they become habitual. Some examples include: I’ll never
feel loved again. I’ll always feel lonely. I am completely
powerless. Replace those thoughts with: All pain passes eventually. It will be
easier if I help them pass by being mindful. I can’t always control what
happens to me, but I can control how I respond to it.
experience and relationship eventually runs its course.
is to translate it into action. Treat each day as a life unto itself.
Appreciate the people in front of you as if it were their last day on earth.
Find little things to gain in every moment instead of dwelling on what you
When I feel like clinging to experiences and
people, I remind myself the unknown can be a curse or an adventure. It’s up to
me whether or not I’m strong and positive enough to see it as the latter.