Men and their little lies

7

 Men are terrible liars!. It’s time to
have a frank discussion about lying and deceit. I see a lot of fears floating
around in the dating world and it can be disheartening.

Whenever a
relationship goes sour (or fails to launch), it’s almost always caused by some
tiny fear, doubt, worry or insecurity that grows and festers until you feel
overwhelmed by the whole ordeal.
And what
happens?  Your fears and worries compel you to confirm whether they’re
real or imaginary.  You stop enjoying the relationship for what it is and
start craving validation and confirmation that it’s “the real deal.”
And there’s only one thing that manifests from that place… neediness.
These days,
people are quick to  throw the concept of neediness around without
actually looking at what it is. I’ve had some of my female readers complain
that the term neediness makes it sound like I’m framing women as weak, fragile,
insecure creatures that just cling to men (and stress them out).
Nothing could
be further from the truth.  I think women bring a tremendous strength and
power to the table in relationships… when they have access to it and are free
of their own fears.
Men and women
have fears. Those fears are greater now more than ever really since there’s an
entire industry devoted to making sure men and women are wrought with
insecurities so they buy products (sowing in and agitating tiny insecurities is
the bread and butter of the marketing world).
A major fear is being lied to deceived which brings me to the
main question of this article: Why do men lie?
http://www.anewmode.com/wp-includes/js/tinymce/plugins/wordpress/img/trans.gif
Here are a few potential reasons:
§  They don’t want to hurt your
feelings
.  And if
you’ve shown yourself to be a girl who gets upset and dramatic when he tells
you the truth, you’re essentially training him to say what you
want to hear to keep the peace.  At best, it’s sugarcoating or avoiding a
volatile subject.  At worst, it’s a straight up lie to avoid drama and
waterworks.Weak?  Cowardly?  Sure, but men live in the mindset of
wins and losses, victories and defeats.  What’s the upside to being honest
if it simply leads to a more difficult life with no perceived upside.
 Which brings me to the next point…
§  They don’t want the drama.  Like I was saying, if not
telling the truth is harmless enough and being honest will just cause drama,
heartache and grief for both parties, why would a man want to
do it?  I’m not advocating the behavior and I hold honesty as a high
virtue for myself, but part of looking at this requires us to be honest about
human nature:  Humans (men and women) want to make life easier for
ourselves, not harder.  And that’s not the case if there’s…
§  No perceived upside.  If you want the truth and
honesty, find a way to reward that behavior, not punish it by putting him
through hell.
§  They want to impress you and/or
they don’t feel like “enough” without lying or putting up a front.
  From one angle, you could
almost look at this one as a compliment: the guy is trying to impress you
because he doesn’t feel “good enough” to get you on his own.  It’s not a
compliment though – it’s not only insecure behavior, but it also doesn’t allow
for a real foundation to be built for a relationship.  For a guy to be
honest with you, he has to be secure enough in himself to know that you’ll
still want him if he’s “real” with you.
OK, now I want
to step back because I can imagine that my points may have enraged certain
readers, who are ready to comment with things like, “Why should we have to
reward his dumb ass for not lying?”  And “why shouldn’t we put him through
hell if the truth is that he’s an jerk?”
Easy there –
let me put it to you like this.
First, this
isn’t a male-female thing.  I’m talking about human nature – no one gender
is more or less habitually a “liar”.
You know all
sorts of women who lie to their female friends on occasion… you may or may not
have done it yourself.

7 comments

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