Things People Do Instead of Apologize: Substituting an Apology for Something Else

The art of the apology is a hard one to
master, especially if you’re used to doing other things you think either mask
the need for an apology or are “as equal” to an apology. Refusing to
apologize is a form of denial and can hurt your friendships in the long run.
Often, small arguments linger simply because one
friend couldn’t say the words “I’m sorry” to another.
these actions get a pass from a friend, especially one that’s known you a long
time. With friends who are tired of your inability to say you’re sorry, or with new friends, you could very well lose
a second chance if you skip out on an apology. Here are some dumb things people
do instead of apologize.
Act Extra Nice for a
While After a Mistake
Some friends assume that
if they goof up, their friend will forgive them if they just act nicer for a
while afterward. The reason this doesn’t work is that the “nice”
actions are then viewed as insincere. What’s more, a friend may wonder why you
don’t behave that nicely all the time.

Buy a Small Gift Without
Acknowledging That Anything Is Wrong
a friend will goof up, and then the next time they see their friend they’ll
give a small, “thinking of you” gift that they claim is “just
because.” Again, the problem here is sincerity. True random acts of kindness gifts mean so much because they come without
When a friend just wants
to do something nice because they’re happy to have us in their life, the gift
or gesture (no matter how small) means a lot. When they’re trying to get us to
overlook the fact that they hurt us or made a mistake, the gift (no matter how
large) will seem shallow and fake.
Go on the Attack
People who have a particularly
hard time apologizing will get annoyed that an apology is expected and then
lash out verbally at the person they hurt. Instead of taking responsibility for
things, they’ll claim that the other person is wrong or just too sensitive.
This not only fails to end the current argument, it adds a layer of resentment
to the friendship as a whole.
Make a Joke of Their
Depending on the
friendship, making a joke of things instead of an apology can actually work.
Both friends need to have the same sense of humor, and it helps if the person
who was wronged knows their friend very well. Chances are, a friend that jokes
instead of apologizes has probably apologized properly in the past and keeps
their friend’s trust in high regard.
However, for newer
friendships, a really big issue, or repeated mistakes, a person should just
apologize sincerely rather than make a joke.
How Many Times Do You
Want Me to Apologize?
heard someone say, “How many
times do I have to apologize?” when in fact they haven’t apologized at
all? This is someone that clearly knows they need to apologize, and feels like
their remorse is apology enough.
friend like this knows what they did and is sorry for it, but can’t bring
themselves to utter the magical “I’m sorry” words that truly heal
after a rift. When a friend does this, you can gently tell them that hearing
the words “I’m sorry” means a lot to you in order to forgive and move forward.
Ultimately, anytime
there isn’t a proper apology there is a chance that the issue will not be
resolved, and may surface again at some point in the future. In addition, when
one friend won’t actually say they are sorry, it leaves the other friend
feeling very unimportant and resentful.

If you know your friend
is sincere, work with them on how to apologize so you can both strengthen your

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