This article is for the 28 percent of us (myself included) who have tried,
but failed to stay friends with a former flame.
First a disclaimer: I am not saying you can’t be friends with any exes. Some
people are perfect capable of being ‘buddies’ with their past loves,
particularly if their break-ups were mutual, the relationship was more platonic
than passionate, or if they jointly outgrew each other. Infact I am friends
with few exes. ‘Hehehehehe’ You are laughing at my confessions while you are
happily keeping yours intact. Reflect today:
Those exes that you cannot be friends with are the ones who broke your heart.
And too often, they are the only exes that I actually want to be friends with.
In most Nigerian or African relationship break-ups, if the cause is not a
mutual one and a quarrel ensued, all sorts of not too-complimentary words are
exchanged including deadly curses. In some relationships, when a once-good
relationship is ending, it’s not uncommon for one of the two people involved to
suggest the ‘let’s be friends’ line. Though it sounds good at the time, being
friends immediately after breaking up usually isn’t a wise idea according to
relationship experts. So, I am writing, with inputs from PsychologyToday,
Huffingtonpost and YourTango. .
It doesn’t allow you to move on….
According to a recent YourTango.com poll, 71 percent of people surveyed
admitted that they thought about their ex ‘too much’ – and more than 57 percent
of singles said that ‘thinking about their ex prevents them finding new love.’
When you stay friends with your ex, there will always be a part of you that
yearns and aches for him/her. By remaining friends, you will never fully allow
yourself to move on and find someone new. This will hold you back from dating,
and it will definitely hinder your ability to find love again.
You need some time to work through the feelings of a break up: