Toyosi Phillips: 3 Crucial Lessons From My Relationship Mistakes

87
was told by grandma not to smell what I would not eat. I’ve heard repeatedly that experience is the greatest teacher and very noteworthy is the fact that it doesn’t have to be YOUR experience. You shouldn’t fall into the same ditch your friend told you about after her fall; because that fall wasn’t for her alone. It was for you as well. My falls (and boy have I fallen!) should not be for me alone and I believe strongly that a time would come when I would be commended for those I helped avoid my slipups and reprimanded for those I didn’t.
I’ve found myself in several sticky situations and I’m going to be dead honest and say that ALL those situations could have been avoided. I’ve been with people I had no business being with and it’s annoying and somewhat embarrassing because I’ve been told repeatedly that I have a solid head on my shoulders. In Nigerian English, I’ve been told I have sense. So why I didn’t have lasting sense in these situations beats me. How I started off being strong and rebuffing all the advances only to end up falling face-flat to those same advances annoys me. What happened to the “sense”?
Continue reading……

I took a good look at the situations; dwelt on some more than others because they stuck out- and truthfully they hurt more. So I came up with a list I’ve titled, How To Avoid Unnecessary Heartache/Stress Caused by People That Should Ordinarily Have Had No Place In Your Life or much simpler Notes From My Mistakes- Relationship Category.
I knew from the beginning of my relationship with Seal*** that the relationship had no future and I was vocal about it.
“We are from different places”, I said.
“You can’t “take me home” and neither can I”, I elaborated.
“This can’t work”, I continued.
“Let’s just take it one day at a time”, was the response I got, “We’ll do things on your own terms”.
One day at a time seemed doable and I liked the sound of my own terms so I took the option, telling myself I was strong enough and couldn’t fall; forgetting that human nature is inherently proud. This pride leads our nature to believe that it can be in control all the time. At that instant I forgot what I’d said to my friend last year when she was “playing with fire”- “You think you’re strong enough until it’s too late and you realize you’re not”. Of course after a while I forgot about my terms and “one day at a time” became a blur. Attention brings affection and before I knew it I was in a relationship (even though I refused to call it that). It didn’t end well…yet again. I finally decided to write the lessons I’d learned, so I no longer had any excuse to repeat the mistakes.
Lesson 1: Stand Your Ground
Regardless of the wooing and rhymes and lyrics, if you know there’s no future with the said person, stand your ground and save yourself future pain. The ones sent to derail you are full of tricks. They have tongues dripping with honey-coated words and minds filled with devious ideas. Do not be deceived, do not budge and frankly I’d say do not entertain them; because all a snake needs to slither through is a tiny crack.
Lesson 2: Reach Out
I have friends who would call every day- on the hour- to remind me of the beauty that I am and quote the fearfully and wonderfully made scripture to me if they as little as sense that something is wrong. People like this are there to prevent us from believing the lie that a stranger’s validation is the only thing that can make us feel good at any point in time. Evil prevails when we isolate ourselves and in writing this, I’ve thought of moments reaching out was the window of escape I should have jumped through to diffuse the iniquitous attention I was getting.
Lesson 3: You Have To Wait It Out
After bidding my common sense goodbye and walking through the shadow of death expecting to come out unscathed like Bond, I find myself coming out wounded, hobbling to the people in Lesson 2 that would have shielded me in the first place. I cry, talk, sigh and cry some more and they hug, listen, talk and hug some more. Tons of girl-wisdom are shared in these moments and it’s quite soothing, but the truth is my wounds still stay raw. The coos and hugs help but their effects are temporary. Only time has been faithful enough to ease the pain and bring permanent relief.
So sadly, the solution to permanently numbing your pain is waiting it out. Every minute that passes is a minute closer to getting back to your normal self and hopefully a minute spent reminding yourself to next time stand your ground and reach out to people you’ve been blessed with.
***not his real name

87 comments

  1. see this 19 December, 2017 at 09:51 Reply

    I just want to mention I’m new to blogging and certainly liked your page. Most likely I’m want to bookmark your blog post . You certainly come with tremendous posts. Kudos for revealing your blog.

  2. blog here 21 December, 2017 at 11:08 Reply

    Faytech North America is a touch screen Manufacturer of both monitors and pcs. They specialize in the design, development, manufacturing and marketing of Capacitive touch screen, Resistive touch screen, Industrial touch screen, IP65 touch screen, touchscreen monitors and integrated touchscreen PCs. Contact them at http://www.faytech.us, 121 Varick Street, New York, NY 10013, +1 646 205 3214

  3. Go Read 21 December, 2017 at 14:39 Reply

    MetroClick specializes in building completely interactive products like Photo Booth for rental or sale, Touch Screen Kiosks, Large Touch Screen Displays , Monitors, Digital Signages and experiences. With our own hardware production facility and in-house software development teams, we are able to achieve the highest level of customization and versatility for Photo Booths, Touch Screen Kiosks, Touch Screen Monitors and Digital Signage. Visit MetroClick at http://www.metroclick.com/ or , 121 Varick St, New York, NY 10013, +1 646-843-0888

  4. Any others 22 December, 2017 at 17:39 Reply

    MichaelJemery.com is a site with many hypnosis downloads. Whether you are looking for free hypnosis downloads, self hypnosis download for mp3, video and any audio files, Michael Jemery has the downloads for you. You can download hypnosis from apps, audio, mp3 and even youtube !

  5. site here 22 December, 2017 at 22:27 Reply

    I really need to tell you that I am new to online blogging and certainly valued your work. Most likely I am going to bookmark your blog post . You literally have great article materials. Delight In it for share-out with us your very own web information

  6. wynajem zwyżek legnica 23 December, 2017 at 11:56 Reply

    Fantastic beat ! I wish to apprentice while you amend your site, how can i subscribe for a blog web site? The account aided me a acceptable deal. I had been a little bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered bright clear concept

  7. podnosniki koszowe wrocław 24 December, 2017 at 06:12 Reply

    It’s impossible to deny that you could want website visitors to your website that allows you to have great results on-line. The most effective sort of visitors are no-cost page views. Where is where to put together free trafficseo NAME

  8. podnosnik koszowy wrocław 25 December, 2017 at 15:50 Reply

    Great goods from you, man. I’ve understand your stuff previous to and you’re just extremely excellent. I really like what you’ve acquired here, really like what you are stating and the way in which you say it. You make it enjoyable and you still take care of to keep it wise. I cant wait to read far more from you. This is actually a terrific site.

  9. Home Improvement 26 December, 2017 at 11:32 Reply

    Very nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wished to say that I’ve truly enjoyed surfing around your blog posts. After all I’ll be subscribing to your rss feed and I hope you write again soon!

  10. Fashion 27 December, 2017 at 11:53 Reply

    Hiya very nice website!! Man .. Beautiful .. Superb .. I will bookmark your web site and take the feeds also…I’m satisfied to find so many helpful information right here within the publish, we’d like work out more techniques in this regard, thanks for sharing.

  11. Pets 27 December, 2017 at 19:15 Reply

    Thanks for sharing superb informations. Your site is so cool. I’m impressed by the details that you’ve on this web site. It reveals how nicely you understand this subject. Bookmarked this website page, will come back for extra articles. You, my friend, ROCK! I found simply the info I already searched everywhere and simply could not come across. What an ideal web-site.

  12. Gorzów Wlkp 29 December, 2017 at 02:34 Reply

    Just wanna input on few general things, The website style is perfect, the content is very superb. “In business school classrooms they construct wonderful models of a nonworld.” by Peter Drucker.

  13. Web Design 30 December, 2017 at 01:19 Reply

    Thank you so much for providing individuals with a very spectacular possiblity to discover important secrets from here. It can be very lovely and as well , jam-packed with a great time for me and my office mates to search your website not less than 3 times in 7 days to study the latest secrets you have got. And indeed, I’m so actually amazed with all the powerful tricks you serve. Selected 3 ideas in this posting are in fact the best I’ve had.

  14. Education 31 December, 2017 at 04:20 Reply

    Thanks for sharing excellent informations. Your web site is so cool. I’m impressed by the details that you have on this site. It reveals how nicely you perceive this subject. Bookmarked this website page, will come back for extra articles. You, my pal, ROCK! I found just the information I already searched everywhere and just couldn’t come across. What an ideal web site.

  15. Metallzäune 31 December, 2017 at 09:56 Reply

    Normally I do not learn post on blogs, but I would like to say that this write-up very compelled me to try and do it! Your writing taste has been surprised me. Thanks, very nice article.

  16. Home Improvement 31 December, 2017 at 10:50 Reply

    I intended to send you the little bit of word so as to say thank you once again just for the nice tricks you have shown on this website. It was simply remarkably generous of you to provide openly just what a lot of people would have supplied as an ebook to end up making some bucks on their own, notably since you might have done it in the event you considered necessary. The inspiring ideas also served like the fantastic way to realize that someone else have the same eagerness the same as my own to figure out very much more when considering this condition. I’m sure there are lots of more pleasant opportunities ahead for many who read your blog post.

  17. Home Improvement 1 January, 2018 at 07:16 Reply

    Thanks for the sensible critique. Me and my neighbor were just preparing to do a little research on this. We got a grab a book from our local library but I think I learned more from this post. I am very glad to see such wonderful information being shared freely out there.

  18. Home Improvement 1 January, 2018 at 13:19 Reply

    I do believe all the concepts you have offered for your post. They’re very convincing and can definitely work. Nonetheless, the posts are very brief for newbies. May you please extend them a little from next time? Thank you for the post.

  19. Zäune Aus Polen 1 January, 2018 at 18:26 Reply

    hi!,I love your writing so a lot! percentage we communicate extra approximately your article on AOL? I need a specialist in this area to unravel my problem. Maybe that’s you! Looking forward to peer you.

  20. Tworzenie Stron WWW 1 January, 2018 at 19:33 Reply

    Thank you for sharing superb informations. Your web site is so cool. I am impressed by the details that you’ve on this website. It reveals how nicely you perceive this subject. Bookmarked this web page, will come back for more articles. You, my friend, ROCK! I found just the information I already searched all over the place and just could not come across. What a great site.

  21. Business 3 January, 2018 at 17:44 Reply

    Thank you for the auspicious writeup. It in fact was a amusement account it. Look advanced to more added agreeable from you! By the way, how could we communicate?

  22. Smartphone 3 January, 2018 at 22:45 Reply

    We’re a group of volunteers and opening a new scheme in our community. Your site offered us with valuable info to work on. You’ve done a formidable job and our whole community will be thankful to you.

  23. gym bag 3 January, 2018 at 22:46 Reply

    Hello There. I found your blog using msn. This is an extremely well written article. I will be sure to bookmark it and return to read more of your useful info. Thanks for the post. I’ll definitely return.

  24. Nc+ Pakiety 4 January, 2018 at 02:29 Reply

    Hey very nice blog!! Man .. Beautiful .. Wonderful .. I will bookmark your web site and take the feeds additionally…I’m glad to find a lot of useful info here in the post, we’d like work out more techniques in this regard, thank you for sharing.

  25. Health 4 January, 2018 at 07:54 Reply

    Definitely believe that which you stated. Your favorite reason appeared to be on the internet the simplest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I certainly get irked while people think about worries that they just don’t know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top as well as defined out the whole thing without having side-effects , people can take a signal. Will likely be back to get more. Thanks

  26. Fashion 4 January, 2018 at 15:12 Reply

    Excellent website. Plenty of useful information here. I’m sending it to a few friends ans also sharing in delicious. And obviously, thank you for your sweat!

  27. Telewizja N 4 January, 2018 at 19:22 Reply

    I have recently started a site, the info you offer on this web site has helped me greatly. Thanks for all of your time & work. “Show me the man who keeps his house in hand, He’s fit for public authority.” by Sophocles.

  28. Jewelry 4 January, 2018 at 22:45 Reply

    I’ve been surfing online more than 3 hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours. It is pretty worth enough for me. In my view, if all website owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the internet will be a lot more useful than ever before.

  29. Polska Telewizja w UK Przez Internet 5 January, 2018 at 00:07 Reply

    You can certainly see your expertise within the paintings you write. The arena hopes for more passionate writers like you who are not afraid to say how they believe. All the time go after your heart. “A second wife is hateful to the children of the first a viper is not more hateful.” by Euripides.

  30. Travel 5 January, 2018 at 06:32 Reply

    I enjoy you because of all of your effort on this web site. My mum really loves carrying out internet research and it’s really easy to see why. I learn all about the lively manner you produce useful tricks by means of your blog and as well as welcome participation from the others on that situation and our child is really learning so much. Enjoy the rest of the year. You’re the one carrying out a terrific job.

  31. News 5 January, 2018 at 14:35 Reply

    Merely wanna comment on few general things, The website pattern is perfect, the subject matter is rattling great. “Drop the question what tomorrow may bring, and count as profit every day that fate allows you.” by Horace.

  32. News 5 January, 2018 at 21:46 Reply

    I genuinely enjoy examining on this internet site, it has got great content. “A short saying oft contains much wisdom.” by Sophocles.

  33. News 6 January, 2018 at 05:07 Reply

    I simply could not leave your web site before suggesting that I really loved the usual info an individual provide for your visitors? Is gonna be again continuously in order to check out new posts.

  34. Nc+ Na Karte 6 January, 2018 at 05:10 Reply

    Someone necessarily help to make critically posts I would state. This is the first time I frequented your website page and up to now? I amazed with the research you made to create this actual publish incredible. Great process!

  35. N Na Karte 6 January, 2018 at 15:31 Reply

    naturally like your website but you have to test the spelling on quite a few of your posts. A number of them are rife with spelling problems and I in finding it very bothersome to tell the truth nevertheless I’ll definitely come again again.

  36. for sale 7 January, 2018 at 05:33 Reply

    I¡¦m no longer certain where you’re getting your information, however good topic. I must spend a while studying more or working out more. Thanks for magnificent info I used to be in search of this info for my mission.

  37. News 7 January, 2018 at 05:36 Reply

    I got what you mean , regards for posting .Woh I am happy to find this website through google. “Don’t be afraid of opposition. Remember, a kite rises against not with the wind.” by Hamilton Mabie.

  38. Home Improvement 8 January, 2018 at 07:06 Reply

    You are my inspiration , I own few blogs and occasionally run out from to post .I believe this web site has got some rattling superb information for everyone. “The fewer the words, the better the prayer.” by Martin Luther.

  39. Genie S85 9 January, 2018 at 11:21 Reply

    of course like your web-site however you have to take a look at the spelling on several of your posts. Many of them are rife with spelling issues and I find it very troublesome to inform the reality however I will certainly come again again.

  40. Health 10 January, 2018 at 05:22 Reply

    wonderful points altogether, you simply won a brand new reader. What would you suggest in regards to your publish that you made a few days in the past? Any sure?

  41. Home Improvement 10 January, 2018 at 12:44 Reply

    I like the valuable information you provide in your articles. I will bookmark your blog and check again here regularly. I am quite certain I’ll learn a lot of new stuff right here! Good luck for the next!

  42. internet shop 11 January, 2018 at 04:35 Reply

    I am not sure where you are getting your information, but good topic. I needs to spend some time learning much more or understanding more. Thanks for great information I was looking for this information for my mission.

  43. Home Improvement 11 January, 2018 at 08:06 Reply

    you are really a good webmaster. The website loading velocity is amazing. It seems that you are doing any unique trick. In addition, The contents are masterpiece. you’ve done a excellent process on this topic!

  44. Web Design 12 January, 2018 at 03:17 Reply

    You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this matter to be actually something which I think I would never understand. It seems too complex and extremely broad for me. I am looking forward for your next post, I’ll try to get the hang of it!

Post a new comment