I am just tired of all this stress and need help.
My fiancé is a gentleman – he is the ONE. The issue I am having is that he just officially got divorced from his wife who kept stalling the divorce process. On top of that, I am now being insulted and stigmatised as a “husband snatcher”.
My fiancé’s marriage was basically an arranged marriage. He studied and worked in a place which did not have too many Nigerians and it was his desire to marry a Nigerian. He ended up marrying a girl from “back home”, meaning she was based in Nigeria.
His cousins had introduced her to him via Facebook and they talked online for 2 months then he went to visit her in Nigeria. They talked for another 10 months before he flew back to propose to her and she migrated with the visa they give engaged people.
To cut the story short, what she presented while they were dating long distance was pretty much a facade.
She was ok for the first few months but as time went by, she revealed her true self. She is very very very manipulative and verbally abusive. She mocked his dressing, his lovemaking/his manhood, his house, his job etc…
My love is a conservative guy and though he is quite wealthy, he was living “below his means” (not in a big house, no flashy car etc…)
Because of her, he quit his job and moved to a new State (she said it was too boring and she wanted to be close to her relatives and friends). Despite the cost of living being higher in the new state, he bought a bigger house and upgraded to a more expensive car, thereby pushing his costs way up. Due to the economic situation in the housing market, it took several months for his house in his previous state to sell so for a while, he had to pay 2 mortgages. Anyone in the States knows the burden that causes. That led to years of stress due to being financially over-stretched.
With all this, I asked him why he stayed with her despite all this, he said he had been lonely for a long time and he loved her….She is very beautiful, skilled in bed and a good cook…men sha.
All through this, she never worked and instead got very involved in a Nigerian church. My love is not very religious but he went along with it. He says his heart was never at peace in the marriage.
They are blessed with 2 sons and he says the breaking point was when his wife verbally “washed him down” in front of their sons. He says he could see the disappointment in their eyes. As if they didn’t see him as their father who they looked up to anymore.
After that, he gathered the courage to ask her for a divorce. She raised hell. Reported him to everyone reportable. Insulted him some more but he was steadfast and began proceedings.
I met him a year after the formal separation had been filed. He was very transparent and shared everything including official documents. We really bonded and I cannot imagine being with anyone else. We have been together for a year now and for a long time, she refused to sign off on the divorce.
She has proceeded to refer to me as a home wrecker. She has taken extreme steps such as reporting me to my parents, I had to leave my church because she reported me to the Pastor and others, therefore making me very uncomfortable. She lies that I started dating her husband while they were together which is totally not true as I never even met him then.
The twist is that most people do not know everything she did to him because he does not want to spoil her name especially for him children’s sake. The terms of the divorce is so financially lucrative to her because my fiancé just wanted her to sign and leave us alone. She has the house and a monthly alimony that is fit for a “Real Housewife”.
Now the divorce is final but she is still wrecking havoc. Last time I saw her, she started shouting and “cursed” me. Saying all sorts, that he is still her husband and he will be back to her. Bear in mind, she did this at a public place with the children present.
She has threatened to send the story to a popular blog as well. She says she will scatter the ground on our wedding day. I am just tired of her.
Through all this, my fiance has been very apologetic and I sometimes wish I did not love him but I do. I have been in other relationships and I am not even a Mills and Boon kind of girl but this is true love right here.
Please what can I do, we cannot move away because of the children, we also cannot cut her off totally because they need to co-parent.
My mother was initially against the relationship because of the drama (as I said, the woman called her to report me) but now she has gotten to know my fiance, she says she understands why I love him but I need to think deeply because I will be tied to this woman forever.
About me; I am an educated professional and have worked in my job for 10 years and I’m doing well. I own my home and was happily single before I met him.