Marriage – “The Unexpected Series” with Temitope A: The Kitchen is My Home Office

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black-woman-disturbed

I never thought much about the details, the actual routine of marriage and what that might look like.

But the wedding? I had all that mapped out because I took copious notes at weddings of friends and decided what I would do at mine, and what I absolutely would not allow.

My wedding was pretty fabulous. From a VIP area to access card entrance only, it was everything I ever dreamed of.

After the wedding came the honeymoon and I couldn’t but love marriage more because there was still room service, restaurants, ordering of food and not having to lift a finger to do anything. For someone who grew up with a nanny and maid, I never had to worry what everyone will eat or if the house was clean. So I was still in heaven when I didn’t feel anything rough through the first two weeks of marriage.

We got back from the honeymoon and first thing I realised was: I can’t lay in my bed and choose to take cereal since there’s no help to cook. I had to ask my boyfriend, now husband what he was craving for breakfast (pray you have what he’s craving, if not you’ll have to visit the market before cooking).

After two hours of cooking and cleaning up, I settled down to rest and have some alone time and just as I was getting into it hubby said, “so baby what do you have in mind for lunch?”

I responded with “are you hungry already?”

He said: “Oh it’s lunch time and I like to eat three square meals on the days I don’t go to work – because I only eat twice Monday to Friday” ?

I got up to do it sadly, faking a happy OKAY face  – because it’s part of my duty as wife. All my good married friends told me: “Sweetie just do it, don’t argue and don’t do anything you know the elders will support him” – in case it escalates to that.

As a new bride you’d look forward to weekends with the in-laws or visits to a friend/aunt who you are both comfortable with after church on Sunday, just so you don’t have to be bothered about the Special Sunday Rice your hubby is accustomed. With the price of tomatoes now, you will be forced to cook mostly fried rice –  which is more tasking.

My friends say: “oh why not get a maid, chef or someone to bring the food when hubby is not around and pour it in the pot so it seems like you cooked it?”  Smart idea; but then my single self had agreed with hubby that we won’t take a maid till the babies come so we can enjoy sex everywhere, bond and help each other with chores while walking around naked.  And my husband just never eats meals cooked by other people, so those things just end up occupying space in my freezer for months till I give it to the security guy or trash it.

So yes, the first thing I realised my parents didn’t emphasise while I was getting ready for marriage was that my new office was going to be the kitchen. Nobody told me that at some point I’d wonder why on earth single ladies are in a rush or forced/brainwashed to get married and become maids when they are not working.

I’d like to know if everyone experienced this? Did your marriage counselors advise you both to avoid maids in the early part of your marriage? Are you ready for this part of the journey called marriage?

Please let’s talk about it all in the comment section.

Source: bellanaija

5 comments

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