Nkem Says: Dating a Nigerian Girl Without Breaking the Bank

I hate flying. It sucks…especially when it is for a long period of time or there is turbulence and you have to pretend you are not screaming “the blood of Jesus” in your head like a mad person. Some people can actually pull through the worst ‘airquake’ without cracking a sweat!

I met one of such people two days ago on my flight back to Lagos. I remember smiling nicely before sitting down next to him. I didn’t try to chat him up, as I know first hand that small talk is not for everyone. He seemed engrossed in his iPad, so I brought out a book to read. Everything was going smoothly until the turbulence started. In my mind, I was handling the turbulence situation with class and finesse, but the young man (who later introduced himself as Rodney) stretched out his hands and said: “holding hands help with the anxiety you know.” His demeanor was so calm, I felt deeply embarrassed. Somehow I had managed to disgrace my ancestors without even uttering a word. I just smiled and said: “Thanks, I’ll be fine”. He chuckled and replied: “It’s alright, I won’t bite, it’s not a ruse to get your number either. I don’t date Nigerian girls”

Number 1, how do you know I’m Nigerian? Two: who are you not to crave Nigerian girls (the most exquisite brand of girls on planet earth)? Three, who even wants a ‘shekeleke’ like you? Four: how dare you? I was torn between being an uptight bitch and telling him off; and being the curious cat who finds out why he would make such a comment. You can guess which I opted for.

Rodney, like most men around the world, had the impression that Nigerian girls were gold diggers so, dating them would lead to the financial suicide of any man. The funny thing was that he had not had any personal experience with Nigerian girls. His conclusions were based on hearsays and recounts from friends who have dated Nigerian girls. Of course, as a Nigerian girl, I gave him a few hard truths straight away.

I made him understand that having money is indeed one way to make a Nigerian woman (as well as any woman) feel good, but it certainly is not the only way to get them as there are a lot of guys who have plenty of money but can’t get a Nigerian girl to date them. Likewise, a number of hot Nigerian girls are dating broke guys who do not earn much or give them anything at the moment.

The problem is rooted in the fact that men refuse to believe there is more to the equation than cash. They screw up, and everything eventually falls to sh*t, because they rely on their money to get these Nigerian women to desire and stay in relationship them.

But…is there really a way to date a Nigerian girl without spending money?” Rodney insisted, after at least thirty minutes of trying to convince him that Nigerian girls are not gold diggers.
At this point I was already getting a little exasperated, so I decided to offer 4 practical tips on how to date a Nigerian girl without breaking the bank.

Be open and honest, make your intentions known
Nigerian girls are not monsters who are only out to get your cash. They have feelings, they have emotions and they recognize such terms as patience, commitment and compromise. They can understand. Sure when you meet her, you want to take her to a fancy restaurant and all, but as I like to say “don’t start with what you can’t maintain”.

Displaying a lot of wealth in an effort to attract her will definitely backfire –  unless you know how to do it in the correct and proper way. Truth be told, most guys don’t know how.

Let the lady know that your intention is to find real love, and not someone who wants to use you for your money. Discuss money with her and do not be afraid of looking cheap.

Be open and honest; this will even make her see that you are genuine and will make her feel like she has a measure of control…and trust me, most women will pick control over money.

Be creative
Traditional dating involves night outs: full-blown dinners, cocktails at ‘tush’ bars, the movies, music/comedy shows or the tiny little extras like stopping on the way home for cold stone ice cream and chicken wings. Even if you two are splitting the tab now and then, all that socializing can cause some serious damage to your wallet. Stay out of the traditional date bandwagon. Limit your night-outs and do more night-ins. Most of all, employ a measure of creativity when planning your outings.

The creativity will even hype the romance. For instance, rather than going to eat at The back yard, get the same menu and spend an evening cooking something together. It is cheaper. Go to Elegushi beach with a picnic basket and watch the sun set. There are so many things to do that would appeal to a Nigerian girl
without you having to spend money.

Also, creativity applies to gift-giving as well. There is the pressure to give at least four gifts: Birthday, Valentine’s Day, Anniversary and Christmas. That is at least 200k right there. The truth is, you don’t have to. She is not an unreasonable girl. She’s not standing there demanding you buy her diamond earrings or take her on an exotic trip each time. She just wants a present every once in a while. That’s fair.

You do not have to go overboard with the gifts either. Do something meaningful for her. You could get a radio station to call her in the morning, or surprise her in her office with an affordable cake from Cakes and Cream.
You could even take advantage of deals and coupons for affordable hotel staycations, wellness, and facial treatments, or even short lessons you can do together. Believe it or not, the thought is what counts.

Get her to pay for you
Sure, the men are already shaking your head and saying ‘NEVER!’. Too much ego, yes? Some women also are probably cursing me out too, because they hate to hear this kind of thing, but truth is, it works!

This is 2017; modern women thrive on their independence. Paying for dates or other things that may come up in the course of the relationship will not seem a big deal to her as it gives her a feeling of feeling of equality and balance. It validates her independence, and assures her that you are not trying to “buy” her affection. Yes, a Nigerian woman!

Let her pay if she offers to pay for something. Show vulnerability sometimes; ask her to handle certain bills that you cannot afford to. Please note that the manner and the frequency with which you ask also counts. You don’t want to come off as a leech.

Bottom line: love is not cheap…but it is possible to date a Nigerian girl without financial hassles. The secret lies in being sincere about your financial capabilities; more importantly…being creative. There’s nothing like creativity to stretch your Naira and the love.

About Nkem Ndem

Nkem Ndem is a dynamic freelance writer and editor who can be reached for online writing(web content and blog) and editing, screenwriting, ghost writing, copy proofreading and reviews. She has since worked with Jumia, SpiceTV Africa, and Bella Naija. Check out her Instagram: @kem_dem, twitter: @ndemv and snapchat:@ndemv. Email: nkemndemv@gmail.com